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........THE
FAMILIAR Vol 1, Iss 2..............................................................................................................................
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BEHIND
THE SCENES OF AN EMOTION LITERACY E-ZINE MISSION
STATEMENT THE FAMILIAR VOL. 1 ISS. 2. Missed an issue of the familiar? Click here to browse through our entire back-issue archive! |
parts of me I dreamt of orcas in a big pool that I swim in and get close to one that almost bites me. I was so sad to read about them dying from PCBs last night. Also I dreamt of a young couple walking with their child and parenting in different ways from each other but not in conflict about it. They are alive and radiant but almost homely. They are comfortable with themselves. Is this about parts of me parenting myself? It seems that my mother was in the dreams, that I was younger and with her. I cried so hard last night, I really needed to. It’s been way too long. I still want to know what happened with my first experience of receiving love. What happened to me with my mother? Or is it more of the dad stuff? I don’t think so. This is so sad, it makes me cry. It must have been something with my mother but what happened to make me decide never to let love in again? I couldn’t remember that part of the dream about my mother. Maybe it’s too scary. I want to try remembering it. I think I picked the partner I picked because I knew she couldn’t really love me. But sometimes she tried and I couldn’t receive it. This is the real problem because then I’m never satisfied and I blame the other person. I know she wasn’t good for me anyway. But I really want to address this now. It affects all my relationships. My need for attention is so big I think it has pushed my close friends and sister away. Or maybe it’s not my need that pushes them away but how I treat them when we get close… I wish I could ask every question of this new person in my life. It feels like the questions are endless. I can do that with you and my sister and a few others but I'm nervous about it being too much and pushing the person away with that. I admire the way you do this in the world, you ask questions and don't second guess whether or not it's going to bother people. I see that men especially seem to grow weary of "processing" or maybe it's just the men I've experienced (like my father!). I am deeply troubled as well about the place that kids are in emotionally, the despair covered by smug indifference is an American problem that causes the shootings we see now. I was just talking to my colleagues at work today about how the disconnection between kids and their parents is the root of the problem. I was happy that they agreed. We all thought that parents need to WAKE UP to the needs of their children and that kids aren't facing the same level of problems that the parents did when they were growing up. That children mature faster physically and sexually now is a major issue that needs to be addressed. Also we discussed how maddening it is in this culture to be told that it's none of our business when we see parents perpetuating dynamics that hurt the child. They were telling me stories about their family members who have children that they want to confront. I think parenting classes/workshops on emotion literacy are necessary. How to implement them without it being "family therapy?" Still a puzzle to me too. I am afraid to be loved that would unlock the saddest grief I'm terrified to receive love It's not my fault I was hurt I can give it That's safe. My first experience I decided never to let it in again the umbilical I must be mean to the one who loves me "I am not afraid to be full...I am not afraid to be loved, to be loved, to be loved, fear." -Joy Harjo I do so want to be alive and have a deep range of feelings and experiences. I want to be a passionate person. I loathe to be indifferent the way mom and dad are.
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